I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She announced her abortion via fbk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
