It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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