Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
