I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
