I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
