I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
