Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How naked do you want me to be?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize