I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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