I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
