That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
