dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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