I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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