You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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