i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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