I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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