Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
