I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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