You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
