If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
