Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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