So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
