every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
