I love black thongs
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
