I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
