they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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