I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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