I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
