Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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