Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize