we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize