the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
