Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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