I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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