I will die if light touches me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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