Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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