Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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