Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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