I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
