I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
