For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
