I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
