So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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