Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
