Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize