ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were trust falling into bushes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
