Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
