I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
