You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
