went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
