just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just gift wrapped bread.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
