we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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