Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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