Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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