My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
