I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What a dumb baby whore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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