Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
