Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
