Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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