I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
