and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
