i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just high enough for therapy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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