Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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