Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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