You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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