peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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