My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
