no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
