I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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